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Oli - Labyrinthe Forum
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post Oct 4 2018, 12:25 PM
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Mercenary
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Joined: 23-November 07
From: "Sunny" Wales
Member No.: 59



Oli (I hope you don't mind if I call you Oli)

I've moved this here as it deserves my focussed attention and I didn't want what I'm going to say to get lost in Gravains B@stard sword jokes...

Your message speaks of a man who is still struggling to find himself, and while I don't pretend to have all the answers (far far from it...) I hope you won't mind if I take a moment to address some of your individual comments.

QUOTE(Carlo @ Oct 4 2018, 12:30 PM) *
My life is a challenge.

I’m psychic. So I’m never of any use to anyone.


Really? thats odd, I always quite liked the whole psycic power thing, I dabbled before I asscended and I quite enjoyed it... I don't think your, or anyones worth is defined by your power, or the type of power you wield, your worth is defined by your choices. your Choices and your actions big and small matter far more than whether you shape worlds or cleave deamons in two with a thought...


QUOTE(Carlo @ Oct 4 2018, 12:30 PM) *
I tried to be a priest. But I’m terrible. I haven’t been able to get past the Heal miracle. And I’m quite an experienced mercenary now so it doesn’t really cut it. So I have to cast two at once and then that’s most of my spiritual power gone.
I met with the Church once and I tried to consecrate an altar. It didn’t work. We scried, and it turned out I just wasn’t good enough.


Spiritual Power does not equate to being a good priest...

When I met Aven, he could barely cast a heal Miricale... but his faith it saved me... It showed me the truth of what I was and the road I was on... your power does not define you and it certainly does not define the depths of your faith.

QUOTE(Carlo @ Oct 4 2018, 12:30 PM) *
Also. It goes dark sometimes. And I can’t even see.

And I get mad. And people die. And I don’t mean it. Most of the time.


Son, I was blacking out and comming round surroundeed by dead people since waaaaaaaayyyy back... maybe mine were in bits and yourse have blood comming out of their ears but in the end its all the same, I've killed people I love, I hurt my wife, and my son while in a rage, and killed people who did not deserve to die... and I remember the soul of each and every one.

I can't pretend I have a solution to this, I've tried bluster and comedy and just plain old more rage... but it never gets easier...

Just know that you have to bear the guilt, and find a way in your own heart to manage it, but also understand that you need the strength you have in those dark moments that you turn the tide and save lives, and it's better you face that guilt than allow others to carry that burden.

QUOTE(Carlo @ Oct 4 2018, 12:30 PM) *
Oh. And sometimes. I can’t die. And I want to because I’m being cut and bludgeoned over and over again and it still hurts every time but something holds me together which just hurts more and more.


Suicide is a sin my son, bear the pain and understand that you live because you refuse to die even when everything says you should... your life is a miricale, born of spirits or your own will it matters not what matters is that you survive when all hope should be gone... still you live!

if ever there is an example of the fact that there is Always hope it is that...

QUOTE(Carlo @ Oct 4 2018, 12:30 PM) *
My parents said I had to follow Serenity to keep me calm so I don’t go mad and everyone’s eyes and ears start to bleed out of their faces. Or if something funny happens I might lose control and remove someone’s mind from heir head. So I cant laugh just in case.

This happens less now. I carry incense and it calms me down. I like the one that smells of the sea.


Serenity teaches much, and I personally have a difficult relationship with my sister regarding it... I'm not best placed to extall her virtues, except to say... acctually never mind

The point is if her teachings help you feel better and help you form a framework to make your choices and guide your actions, then thats a good thing


QUOTE(Carlo @ Oct 4 2018, 12:30 PM) *
I like to think I bring hope to others through my misery and pointless existence though. That’s what Shadow tells me.

Oliver


Thats funny because I like to think of Shadow as a complete c**k... and I'm not even sure I know the guy.

your existence is not pointless, and your missery is unbeccomming...

you are an example of a Man struggling to control forces and thoughts and dangers than most of us will never know, battling internal deamons that threaten to overwhelm your own mind and take from you your very own thoughts...

It is easy for them to judge you, they don't have to live in your head, they don't have to deal with the consequences when you loose control.

I think you inspire hope because you set an example, a lesson that even when you face chalenges from within that you can with a calm faith master your own demons and marshel yourself against those who would hurt others.

Thats what I think

Harpell

Ps. Almost anyone with the name Shadow... Likely to be prone to Gravains B@stard sword jokes...


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